Drafting and revising
Thesis paragraphs
A thesis statement introduces a topic and makes an argument about that topic. It is your essay’s main point.
Example: Thesis statement
Antibiotic resistance—when bacteria evolve to survive the drugs designed to kill them—is rising around the world, and human behavior is largely to blame.
- Topic: Antibiotic resistance
- Definition: When bacteria evolve to survive the drugs designed to kill them
- Argument: Human behavior is largely to blame
Here, a problem, antibiotic resistance, is defined and an argument is made about what causes it. The sentences that follow build on the thesis statement: first by introducing—briefly, with no detail—each of the reasons that support it, and then by taking a stand with a call to action.
Antibiotic resistance—when bacteria evolve to survive the drugs designed to kill them—is rising around the world, and human behavior is largely to blame. Researchers have found that many doctors prescribe antibiotics because they expect patients to be dissatisfied without them. Additionally, many patients who genuinely need antibiotics often stop taking them as soon as they feel better. Both of these behaviors contribute to antibiotic resistance by making it more likely that a few bacteria will survive and adapt to their new environmental hazard. As a result, the world medical community must teach people how to stop using antibiotics in ways that endanger human life.
A well-constructed thesis paragraph states the thesis, tells readers more about the reasons that support it, and ends with either a call to action or a statement about why readers should care about the topic and agree with the writer.
Body paragraphs and transitions
The job of a body paragraph is to develop one of the reasons supporting your thesis. The job of transitions is to establish the relationships between different topics in a paragraph or essay.
Topic sentences
A good topic sentence introduces the supporting reason on which the paragraph will focus while also using transitional language to connect the upcoming paragraph to the essay’s thesis.
For example:
Surprisingly, the behavior of medical professionals is a main contributor to antibiotic resistance; about thirty percent of the antibiotics they prescribe are unnecessary.
“Surprisingly” is an effective transition here because it draws the reader’s attention to a little-known fact. The sentence connects to the thesis by mentioning antibiotic resistance and connecting it to the “surprising” fact about the overprescription of antibiotics.
Now that you’ve made your claim, say more about it.
In some cases, doctors prescribe broad-spectrum drugs instead of more targeted ones. In others, they prescribe antibiotics for viral infections, such as the common cold, COVID-19, and influenza, even though antibiotics are effective only against bacteria. Patient pressure is another factor, one to which inexperienced, rushed, or tired doctors may succumb. Unfortunately, each unnecessary prescription increases the chance that resistant bacteria may emerge. It also increases the likelihood of allergic reactions, yeast infections, and digestive problems.
Select transitional language that establishes the correct relationship between your paragraphs. Keep it simple. For example:
However, doctors aren’t the only ones at fault. Over forty percent of American adults admit to having taken antibiotics that were given to them by a friend or family member even though that medication may not be the right one for their current illness. Some antibiotics target a broad spectrum of bacteria, but others are more focused and may not be effective against all infections. Another problem is that many people stop taking their medication when they feel better instead of finishing the entire course of medication. This risks the return of their infection and increases the chance that it will now be resistant to that particular antibiotic.
Concluding your essay
A thirty-minute essay is so short that readers still remember your thesis, so you don’t need to restate it at length. Briefly refer back to it, then end with a final thought, a call to action, or both.
Final thoughts
A final thought refers back to the essay’s thesis and says how your essay contributes to the conversation about your topic. Your goal is to leave readers with a new thought about the topic.
For example:
Ever since penicillin was discovered in 1928, antibiotics have saved hundreds of millions of lives, extending the life spans of those who would otherwise have died. It would be ironic if people’s own behavior destroyed one of humanity’s most valuable weapons against disease.
Here the new idea is that “it would be ironic” if human behavior negates the positive benefits of antibiotics. The contradiction it highlights seeks to raise awareness about antibiotic resistance and implies that some remedial action is needed.
Calls to action
A call to action is more forceful than a final thought because it specifies concrete actions to be taken. It concludes your essay on an upbeat note because it implies that the problem can be solved:
Antibiotics have saved hundreds of millions of lives. Now that the effectiveness of these “miracle drugs” is threatened, the world’s governments should tighten their prescription laws so that no one can buy antibiotics without a prescription. They should also cooperate with the global healthcare community to teach everyone about how antibiotics work and how to use them correctly. These actions have the potential to reduce antibiotic resistance so that these miracle drugs can continue to save lives.
Revising
You should plan to spend the last five minutes of your time revising, following the 5-20-5 rule: about 5 minutes planning, 20 minutes drafting, and 5 minutes revising. However, if you haven’t finished your essay at the end of twenty-five minutes, it’s better to finish than to stop and revise.
To avoid a time crunch, do your best to minimize errors as you write so that you can be confident that your essay is readable as it is.
The test does not allow you to use any grammar or spellcheck features. That said, the essay graders know they are reading a first draft, and they don’t expect to see perfectly polished prose. In other words, a misspelled word or two won’t sink your score, but an accumulation of errors in sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation will.
Use your last five minutes to check for the errors that cost the most points:
- Comma splices and fragments: watch for two complete sentences joined only by a comma, or a dependent clause standing alone as if it were a sentence. Comma rules are covered in the upcoming commas chapters, and sentence structure in Subjects and modifying clauses.
- Subject-verb agreement: the verb should agree with its subject, not the nearest noun in a prepositional phrase, and “each” always takes a singular verb (see Agreement and parallel structure).
- Modifier placement: an opening participial phrase should describe the noun that immediately follows it (see Other modifiers and comparisons).
- Commonly confused words: its/it’s, their/they’re/there, your/you’re, and no apostrophes on plain plurals (see Easily confused words).
- Wordiness and repetition: cut wordy phrasing rather than adding it, and cut sentences that restate an idea you’ve already made.
During revision, this writer tightened the language: “medical professionals” became “physicians” for concision, and the sentence about borrowed antibiotics was rewritten to focus on the real risk—ineffective treatment—rather than restate the obvious. Watch for those small changes as you compare the finished essay below to the paragraphs above.
Here’s the finished essay:
Antibiotic resistance—when bacteria evolve to survive the drugs designed to kill them—is rising around the world, and human behavior is largely to blame. Researchers have found that many doctors prescribe antibiotics because they expect patients to be dissatisfied without them. Additionally, many patients who genuinely need antibiotics often stop taking them as soon as they feel better. Both of these behaviors contribute to antibiotic resistance by making it more likely that a few bacteria will survive and adapt to their new environmental hazard. As a result, the world medical community must teach people how to stop using antibiotics in ways that endanger human life.
Surprisingly, the behavior of physicians is a main contributor to antibiotic resistance; about thirty percent of the antibiotics they prescribe are unnecessary. In some cases, doctors prescribe broad-spectrum drugs instead of more targeted ones. In others, they prescribe antibiotics for viral infections, such as the common cold, COVID-19, and influenza, even though antibiotics are effective only against bacteria. Patient pressure is another factor, one to which inexperienced, rushed, or tired doctors may succumb. Unfortunately, each unnecessary prescription increases the chance that resistant bacteria may emerge. It also increases the likelihood of allergic reactions, yeast infections, and digestive problems.
However, doctors aren’t the only ones at fault. Over forty percent of American adults admit to having taken antibiotics that were given to them by a friend or family member even though this means that they risk not treating their illness effectively. Some antibiotics target a broad spectrum of bacteria, but others are more targeted and may not be effective against all bacterial infections. Another problem is that many people stop taking their medication when they feel better instead of finishing the entire course of medication. This risks the return of their infection and increases the chance that it will now be resistant to that particular antibiotic.
Antibiotics have saved hundreds of millions of lives. Now that the effectiveness of these “miracle drugs” is threatened, the world’s governments should tighten their prescription laws so that no one can buy antibiotics without a prescription. They should also cooperate with the global healthcare community to teach everyone about how antibiotics work and how to use them correctly. These actions have the potential to reduce antibiotic resistance so that these miracle drugs can continue to save lives.
In about 380 words, this writer makes an argument, supports it with two reasons, and ends with a call to action.
For a second essay written from a prompt in ETS’s format, from the T-chart to the conclusion, see Worked example: school uniforms.
The average person types about forty words per minute, which means that the essay could be typed in about ten minutes. You have more than double that amount of time. So relax, follow the 5-20-5 rule, and focus on doing your best work!